Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
