She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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