I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
