their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
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I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
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My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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