if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
