i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Found your dick twin last night
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
