help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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