its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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