gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
