You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
