now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
