Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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