Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
