His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
