i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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