I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
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