Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
