to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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