Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Help. Why am I so naked?
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