I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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