just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
