She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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