why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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