Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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