Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
