I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
