HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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