Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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