if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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