ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
