Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
