My first STD was from a foam party
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
