he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
