By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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