I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
