She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
