my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
