Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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