I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
