im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
