it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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