Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
