i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
