I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
