Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
