The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
