Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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