i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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