grandma shit on top of the toilet
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
