Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
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