absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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