Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
so much tequila, so little girl.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
