if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
lets start a swedish sibling band together
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
