Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
