i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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