i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
