took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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