We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
