Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
The feeling are messing with the penis
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
