Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
