i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
