If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
