You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
