eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
why is half of my head shaved?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
