what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Don't EVER smell your tampon
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Randomize
