clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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