How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
