Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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