please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Your penis caused this!
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
