Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
