Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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