We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
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So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
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I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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