you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
