My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Randomize
