i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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