Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
