She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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