he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
