4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
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I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
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My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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