i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
