Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
